just. wow.

What an amazing weekend. It isn't often that I feel like I've really lived during the weekend. These days, my weekends usually consist of trying to get as much sleep as I possibly can before the week starts and I have no opportunity between work and school for so much as a catnap. Granted, I did sleep. Boy did I. I had a lot of sleep to catch up on from the previous week when I couldn't seem to fall asleep before one a.m. But last weekend, I decided to make something of it. I wanted a little something more from last weekend, and I did not disappoint.

I had emailed a friend, asking her if we could get together because I needed to pick her brain, and because I recently deleted my facebook, and was feeling a lack of social interaction that desperately needed a remedy. She mentioned she was free Friday night, and wonder of wonders, I made it through the week to that evening. It was touch-and-go there for awhile, but I once again survived. Sometimes it feels like life can't ask much more than that.

There are those people that God places in your life that are not meant to be "just passing through." Those people that kinda change you forever. The kind that have seen tragedy, and come out spiritual giants. The kind that relate to you when it seems like no one gets what's going on with you. The kind that it's okay to let your guard down with, pull the mask off, and let them see that you're aching on the inside. Everyone needs that kind of friend. And God puts them right where you need them to be. They're actually angels. The kind you can have a conversation with. And they can be your saving grace sometimes.

That's who I was getting together with this past weekend. She makes me feel so safe. Even though we talk about the darkest, most ugly parts of ourselves, she makes me feel like maybe it's alright to have some ugly darkness. Because she brings a light at the end of the tunnel that I can't always see on my own. She is wiser and stronger because of her darkness, and she is learning how to get rid of it. I admire her beyond words.

Anyway, we enjoyed a yummy vegan dinner, talked like someone lost in a desert needs water, and found some solace in relating to each others' strengths and weaknesses. After all that deep conversation, give and take in ideas and suggestions, we were ready to come back down to our twenties again, and watch a scary movie. After some shuffling around, we invited another of our good friends and my husband to watch the movie at my house, and proceeded to be scared like crazy! It may have been All Saint's Day, but we were celebrating our own Halloween. It was so fun!

Because we are a small group of friends who feel completely comfortable with each other, we can talk about anything (and we do), and we thoroughly enjoy each others' company, and when the other two had gone home, and it was just my husband and I, we contemplated life's blessings. Truly, we are blessed with an outstanding group of friends, and we are blessed to know that they rely on us. We have often been a halfway house for a few of our friends, and we love being able to help out when we can.

Anyway, Saturday morning came and went with us still in bed. Staying up that late requires a certain amount of laziness the next day, and we made sure to fill our quota. We enjoyed each others' company for a few hours before P. had to go to work, and after he left, I indulged in some reading. Mmm, mmm....love me some good books. My friend had let me borrow them, and they are the earth shattering kind. The kind where you shed a tear, and look through the perspective of someone else to see how amazing your life truly is.

Husband got home, and took me out to eat. I love that guy. When we got home, he spent a good hour or two with a friend going through a break-up. To my husband, friends are some of the most important people in the world, and he treats them as such.

Fast and Testimony meeting was...Fast and Testimony meeting. This is not the post for how I feel about Testimony meetings, so I'll save that topic for another time, but let's just say the highlight of Sunday was Relief Society, and it wasn't necessarily because of the lesson. It was because of who I sat next to.

I hadn't sat beside this woman before, but I knew who she was. After making some initial small talk (which is excruciating to us introverts, by the way), the class started, and gratitude was the topic of the day. Gratitude happens to be something I feel very strongly about, ever since my mission. People in the Philippines have nothing. They are so poor that sometimes, the only thing they eat all day long is rice. Rice with nothing, cooked in dirty water. They have dirt floors, and live in huts constructed of whatever material is lying around. In spite of all their poverty, they are some of the happiest people you could ever be blessed to meet. To them, every day is a blessing, everyone is a friend, and what they have, they will share.

I'm convinced they have figured out the secret to happiness. Which is just being happy where you are. Striving for better, of course, but finding the strength (because sometimes it takes strength) to be happy exactly where your life lies.

As I chatted with the sister sitting next to me in Relief Society, we were agreeing on almost everything that was being said. EXCEPT: Counting your blessings will brighten a dreary day, and make you more grateful for what you have. There should be a disclaimer attached to that statement: unless you have depresssion, a low self-esteem, or your problems are a little bit bigger than average. For me, when I'm feeling down and start counting my blessings, it just makes me feel guilty. I shouldn't be allowed bad days because of all I'm blessed with. So the concept backfires, and I feel even worse. That seems to run contrary sometimes to what the Church tells us, so this sister and I were feeling validated by agreeing that that method of changing your attitude may not always be the best. I was so glad I sat by her.

Anyway, to end this hugely long post, good friends are hard to come by. God will help you find them when you need them. Don't let them go.  Don't be afraid to dig through painful things, as long as you can leave a little lighter than you started. Be grateful for what you have, but don't force it. If you don't feel grateful, just start dancing. If anything, you're burning calories and getting those endorphins going. Then let yourself feel grateful for your dancing body, and the rest will fall into place.