lerp-a-derp

This is what I look like today. At least in the car. Pretty lerpy. Let me explain why.

I have the worst, worst, WORST luck with glasses. I mean the worst. I either choose a pair that is gross on my face, and end up having to wear them forever, or somehow they break after the shortest period of time. I started wearing glasses in 7th grade, and as soon as I found out that my glasses were "not cool," I wore contacts so hard. No one ever needed to know about my four-eyed craziness.

Unless, of course, I used up all my contacts, and didn't make it back to the eye doctor before I needed to be able to see...out came the Guess brand, model 6000, ready to make me look like a total noob. Eventually, I got to the point to where even if I did run out of contacts, I'd rather walk around with my eyes perpetually in a squint like the sun was too bright, than put those stupid things back on my face.

This lasted until my mission. All through my mission I had more than enough contacts to last me. When I went home, I immediately ran out. Conveniently or inconveniently enough. This time though, I had the internet to guide me in my choice of glasses until my contacts came in. With the handy-dandy little picture guide where you could make the model try on any pair of glasses you thought looked interesting, I ended up with a pair of square-framed, purple, plaid-patterned stunners. I loved them.

P. loved them too! In our dating, pre-proposal, but honestly-we-know-we're-getting-married-let's-get-it-over-with phase, I would actually choose to wear those bad boys instead of contacts! That's right! I had converted!

Until about a week after I got them, and P. happened to roll right on top of them. Dangit.

I stayed with contacts for the next few months, and after we were married, I chanced the interwebs again on a quest for a new pair of lenses. Oddly enough, a newlywed budget doesn't really have room to buy contacts every few months. Huh. Go figure.

I found some. Green ones. For some reason, you couldn't really tell that I had eyes when I wore them... They lasted me almost a year before I secretly broke them on purpose (shhh!!!) so that I could get new ones. Not sorry.

I ended up with a pair of black, wayfarer style glasses and I LOVED them! I could actually see because they were big enough that the dumb frame wasn't in my line of sight. My first jackpot after all these years. Well, the relationship has finally come to an end. After sitting on them, dropping them, sleeping on them, essentially bending them every which-way countless numbers of times, they finally had had enough yesterday. One of the little sidearm thingies broke off. Kaput. Donezies.

Well, I can't drive without being able to see, so I have improvised by still wearing them one-sided when I'm driving. Or watching tv. Or doing anything that requires me to see something more that 4 feet away from me. And I look absolutely ridiculous. The picture that I made for you in MS Paint is 100% accurate. P. refused to sit next to me on the couch when we were watching tv last night because he couldn't handle it.

Still not sorry. Contacts are being ordered post haste. Stat. Pronto. [celebratory dance]