i gotta make it, gotta make it, gotta make it through...

The phone rang. Like a robot with a mechanical arm, I automatically reached for it, said my usual greeting, and then listened. The client on the other end was telling me something, probably something like she was going to come pick up her tax return. I don’t remember now. I do remember how hard it was for me to form a coherent sentence in order to let her know that I understood and would have her return ready when she dropped by to pick it up. I want to describe it so you’ll understand, but I’m not sure how. It wasn’t word vomit that just spewed out on its own…no, this was word drool. Letters with no apparent purpose just kind of dribbled out with whatever else was in my brain at the time. She laughed at me, I apologized, made a second attempt, gave up, and we said good bye. You see, I’m stressed.

I’m stressed like I’ve never been in my entire life. And I’ve been in some pretty stressful situations. Like the time my companion and I were walking back to the apartment from an appointment, and realized too late that we were a good hour’s walk away, and curfew was in 20 minutes. Because of the late hour, there were no more trikes or jeeps going by, and since we were on a tiny island in the Pacific, electricity was not only scarce, but there weren’t really streetlights to be found. We were simultaneously walking and praying, all the while hoping that the catcalls, and drunken greetings of the souls around us we were desperately trying to save would not get any closer. Of course, we only had to walk for about 10 minutes before the Lord sent a miracle. We hopped in the trike and made it home before the crazies got us, and didn’t even have to pay. It was a member on his way into town to get his son from school. That was a bit stressful. I was really a little bit terrified. We both had our blood pumping.

But this. This situation that I’m in now…for some reason, I am almost non-functioning. I’m hoping that it’s just because I’m low on sleep that’s making everything that much harder, but I have never felt so used up. “Like butter scraped over too much bread.” Oh Tolkien, you know me so well. I feel like I couldn’t squeeze one more minute of studying into my brain, but I can’t stop because I’ve got a final tonight. I had a test last night, and I have one tomorrow. For my Acupressure class, there is so much memorizing, that I might just wither and die. Shrivel. It’s sucking the life out of me. To top it all off, I don’t really even have time to study. It’s tax season, and I’m on the phone all day, or dealing with clients, or mailing returns, or faxing things, or emailing things, resolving client issues, data entry, or asking my boss to give me my paycheck. (Why is that even a need in my life? Employers, pay your employees on time. Common sense, right? You’d think…)

I have never needed a vacation so badly, and yet, I CAN’T TAKE A VACATION. Thank goodness I’m married to a man who can make the time I’m with him feel like a vacation. We watched “The Princess and the Frog” a couple of weeks ago on a Sunday evening, and this is what he said to me: “Picture this: You and me outside of the restaurant in downtown Disney that sells beignets. They’re hot and fresh, and Disneyland is just opening. We hop on the Monorail, get dropped off in Tomorrowland, and the rest of the day is ours for the taking.” I wanted to cry. It was pretty much everything I’ve ever wanted.

Let’s look at the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a little ways off yet, but we’re getting closer. I’m a month shy of being halfway done with my schooling. That is mind-blowing to me. It’s going so fast if I can remember to look at the big picture. If I look at the weeks, or even the day-to-day, I’ll never make it to October. So here’s to the big picture. Help me remember, will ya?