music moves me, to laugh or sing or cry (clapclap! clap!)

Music has always been an integral part of my life. I can remember my family being musical since I was very little. I'm convinced that before this life, my siblings and I sat around making up harmonies and laughing. We were probably also those annoying little cherubs who sang and danced everywhere. Because we could. Just kidding. Maybe. I have memories of being small and going anywhere in the car as a family and singing. Always singing. We had a pretty repetitive set list. 

"I Love the Mountains"
"I've Been Workin on the Railroad"
"Ooga, Ooga Mooshka (Which Means That I Love You)"
"Yellow Rose of Texas"
"Oomiak Kayak"
"I Love You, A Bushel and a Peck"
"There's No Such Thing As A Witch"
"Runnin Bear"
"Ringo"
"West Texas Town of El Paso"
"Sweet Violets"
"Sixteen Tons"
"Ca-Ca-Ca-Cady"
"You Take the Legs From Some Old Table"
"When the Red, Red Robin Comes Bob, Bob, Bobbin' Along"
"Large Boots"
"Daddy Big Boots"
"Ya Ever Get One O' Them Days?"
Anything Disney, but especially "Let's Go Fly A Kite" from "Mary Poppins"
Anything from "Les Mis"
Anything from "Man of La Mancha"
When Christmas time came around, any and all the Christmas songs you can imagine. 

 Then when baby brother R. came along and decided to be a musical prodigy, we started really implementing the Beach Boys. And "The Star Spangled Banner." A thousand times the National Anthem. He had to learn it so he could sing at sporting events around Boise. Until he really hit it big and sang for the Dodgers and Jay Leno. That's another story for another time though. 

Needless to say, music has always been very important to me. I love it. It's a bringer of happiness, a comfort, and a conductor of the Spirit. And sometimes, the Lord sends you something in a song that you were in desperate need of. Like this morning. 

We have a free trial month of satellite radio at the moment, and Sherlock and I enjoy it when we're driving through the canyon and there's no cell reception (no Pandora), and the normal radio gets lost. I found this new station that plays country from the first ten years of this century, which is super fun for me. The first song that came on when I got onto the road this morning is called, "Moments," by Emerson Drive.

It tells the story of a young man who goes to a bridge to commit suicide. A homeless man follows him onto the bridge to prevent him from doing so, and the young man gives him his spare change, thinking he wouldn't need it anymore anyway. At that point, the homeless man tells him, "You know, I haven't always been this way." 

 He proceeds to tell the young man about his life, how he made it home from war, and the next summer his son was born. "And memories, like a coat so warm, a cold wind can't get through." 

In the end it helps the young man realize the blessings in his own life, and how it's not worth it to jump off that bridge. (Disclaimer: I know that suicide is a serious subject, and I know "count your blessings" isn't always the solution. Stay with me, that's not what I'm trying to illustrate.) It's a beautiful song, but there's one part that really jumped out at me this morning, and left soft tears falling down my cheeks.

"I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do"

I was overwhelmed with the feelings that washed over me. Feelings I had forgotten about. Feeling so much happiness being able to go home to the arms of a man I am so lucky to be with for eternity. Elation for him and his new job that he loves. I remembered our wedding day and how perfect it was. I remembered when he proposed and how it had rained hard all that day, but the moment he got down on one knee, like a fairytale, the sunset broke through the clouds, and everything was perfect. I remembered when he came home from his mission and we were two peas in a pod. I remembered being in the Philippines and how every day was an adventure that always began and ended on my knees. I remembered all the friends I made that I still keep in touch with, and all the people I shared the Gospel with. I remembered my family and the newest addition, my nephew. I remembered what a pretty baby he is, and how I'm kind of happily obsessed with him. 

All of that was flashing through my mind as I drove through the canyon, and I felt so grateful. There are days when I don't think we're going to make it. Days when I don't think I can take another breath because the weight of the world is sitting right on my chest. But I still do. And we keep surviving. And all we have to do is make it to the end of this month and there will be so much relief. But then this song came on:

"You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this"

Well then I had to start crying all over again. These days I cry at the drop of a hat, but I don't believe in coincidences. And I think the Lord picked a good way to send me a message. Like maybe, if I bring my head above water for just a second, I'll be able to see what I might miss later. Our tiny house and how much we love it in its tiny-ness. Our little mountain town and the crazies that live there. The amazing rain we've been having pretty frequently for the past few weeks. Having everything we need at our fingertips. Never going hungry. Always having gas in our cars. Being able to pick careers that we couldn't enjoy more. Having an empty bank account, but still making it. 

One day, when that bank account never dries up completely ever again, I will look back at this time and wonder how in the world we ever survived. That's going to be a great day. And maybe the way we survived was to remember our 'moments.'