"and how are you coping?"

HA! You thought things were going to start getting easier? I laugh in the face of your ignorance. (I'm going to start leaving my typos. "ignoracne." the worst kind of acne.) This month. I only have to make it through this month. I've started picturing myself sitting in a corner of my mind with my knees to my chest. I'm rocking back and forth and giggling uncontrollably. It's just funny now. Any other reaction takes too much energy, and I'm running on a limited supply these days. 

The month starts out like this: P. quit his job at the MTC. His position was really being phased out anyway, so there was nothing he could do when he went in to work. He didn't feel comfortable getting paid for doing nothing, so he had his exit interview, and said goodbye to one of the biggest blessings of our marriage. We both could feel this was the right thing to do (despite my insta-panic), and so the "smartest, best, most-deserving" teacher the Tagalog zone has ever seen (I'm not biased) made his farewells, and is now feverishly preparing for teaching up in Heber. 

He's taking a bunch of classes this summer, so we pretty much see each other even less than before. It's only for a little while longer, it's only for a little while longer, it's only for a little while longer... Picture getting into my "ready stance" just to get to school in the evenings. I'm getting tired, you see. I'm running out of steam. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting so close, but I'm having some serious fuel issues. My paycheck means even more than ever, and we're working to stretch every dollar. We still come up short, but we'll be golden when he starts getting paid.

The bright spot was the Fourth of July. We went up to Boise to be with my family, and had a BLAST! We went rafting twice and caving once, watched some awesome fireworks, and even squeezed in a trip to the temple while baby brother R. is still in town before leaving on his mission. Not so much a relaxing vacation, but so worth it. After getting back from Boise, and having gotten a ride there with our awesome friend, we were determined to get a car. So we did. It's a beauty. We love it, and it's been a huge blessing. 

R. left for the mission field this morning. He gave an incredible farewell talk (which we were able to attend in Boise, thanks to the generosity of family. This also meant a second road trip in as many weeks), and sounded more like a returned missionary than a preemie. He's going to kill it in Houston, and we couldn't be more proud of him. There were more tears than I care to admit when we said goodbye, and I'm still a little tender in my soul when I think about him being gone.

On the other hand, I don't have a lot of energy to spare, as previously mentioned, so I've had to focus it on other things, like finding a place to live. We're supposed to move within the next few weeks, but where to? Heber is notorious for their expensive rent, and expensive is too much for us right now. So we continue to search, and I get strung a little bit tighter every day. 

Finals are once again around the corner, even though I asked my teacher if we could just skip them this time around, and while I've so far kept my 4.0, I'm not sure how inclined I feel to study. Blegh.  My teacher asked if I was ok last night, and I told her I'm stressed. She asked if it was school, work, family...? And I told her it was all of the above. She asked how I'm coping with the stress. I told her I'm not. She asked how she could help, and I felt more gratitude in my heart for my teachers. My school really has the most amazing teachers. I couldn't ask for better.

Meanwhile, my job continues to rub me the wrong way. I get blamed for other peoples' mistakes, and get chewed out by clients who think I do more than answer the phones. I couldn't care less about their issues, because I'm too busy/used up caring about my own. I get hit with waves of anxiety when I come around the corner to the complex at work. Ridiculous. You would think I could deal by now. You would think. 

Plus, I'm trying to start a business at the moment. This isn't the place to tell you all about it, but it's going well. It will go even better when I have more time to focus on it, but to repeat myself again, limited energy=limited focus. I'm a crazy person. 

I love you all. We're in a surviving/holding pattern at the moment, but we've got each other. And that gives me a lot of hope. 

Forgive the rant/vent. I just word-vomited all over all of you. I didn't have a choice.